We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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