cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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