Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
