I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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