it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
