I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
