i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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