Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize