Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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