he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
