NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
