Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
