is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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