is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
