Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
