Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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