I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
