I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
