Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
