So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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