i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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