I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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