i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
