Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
cat food counts as protein by the way
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
