Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
