I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
