I just made out with a guy for $7.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
