Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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