i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
