make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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