It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
