Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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