How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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