I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
