The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
