So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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