you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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