giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
