Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
