Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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