fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
