I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"it" just moved
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
