So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
