At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
