I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
