apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
