oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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