Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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