I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
