so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
