I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
