A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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