I think i sorta joined a cult last night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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