I wish my penis had an off switch
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
