I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
