smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
