ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
