So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
