i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
