After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
