During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
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Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.