Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dating After Heartbreak
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.