get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
