It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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