so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
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Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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