you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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