There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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