Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I looked at my own cervix.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.