I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
