I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
