What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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