did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm too high and old for this...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
