So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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