A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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