If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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