i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
