I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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