I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
