the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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