Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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