Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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